 I have so many thoughts running through my head as my youngest son gets ready to graduate high school. One thought that keeps creeping into the forefront is “Who am I”? For the last 21 years, one of my main priorities has been to be a mother. Now I know I am still a mother. But as my last child graduates and gets ready to leave for college, being a mother takes on a whole new role. This really has me thinking…”Who am I”?
I have a picture that hangs in my bathroom. The title of it is “Who I am in Christ ''. I don’t know where I got it. And most of the time, I am so busy that I don’t really look at it. But today, as I am reflecting on my baby graduating, I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. You see, I have been taking my identity from things of this world. A wife. A mother. A teacher. A business owner. There is nothing wrong with these things. But are they really what I should be using to define who I am? These things are fleeting. They can change. Like when I left teaching to work with my husband in our business. During our time on earth, we all have defined who we are by the things we do. Some of us even define ourselves with negative thoughts. I am useless. I am unlovable. I am a failure. I know there are many times in my life where these negative thoughts consume me and I struggle with looking at myself. Jesus sees us differently than we see ourselves. He knows everything about us (the good and bad). He made each of us a unique person. He made us special. Jesus wants us to define ourselves as He sees us: He sees you as his child. (John 1:12) He calls all of us children. God wants us to see him as our father. As a disciple, you are a friend of Jesus. (John 15:15) When we walk with Jesus, we learn from him. He wants to walk with us daily as a friend. He wants us to spend time talking with Him. Confiding our thoughts and feelings to Him. He wants to listen to all of it. You are a member of Christ’s body. (1 Corinthians 12:27) We are all a part of Christ’s body, chosen by Him to do great and mighty things. He created each of us to do something no one else can do. You have been chosen by God and adopted as his child. (Ephesians 1:4) Jesus chose me! Jesus chose you! We are part of His family! You are a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of his life. (John 15:5) Jesus is a part of you. He is a part of me. He wants us to spend time with him. You are God’s workmanship. (Ephesians 2:10) God created each of us to be just how we are supposed to be. He has mighty plans for us. He believes we can do anything He created us to do. These are just a few verses from the bible that we can use to define ourselves. These identities do not change depending on our life circumstances. So today, instead of looking at ourselves with our human eye...lets look at how Jesus sees us. He will always call us His beloved child. (The picture in my bathroom is listed online through Freedom in Christ Ministries. The verses used in this blog were taken from this picture.)
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I know we are supposed to be praying, but all I see are my unpainted toenails. I am miles away from joining my small group in this beautiful time of praying to our Heavenly Father. As I glance around the circle through squinted eyes, because I don’t want anyone to see me peeking, I see pink toenails, red toenails, and even purple. Then I look down at mine and see jagged edges on my plain nails. Why can’t I have pretty feet like everyone else? Why don’t I take the time and money to have my toes painted? They must have everything all together, I mean, just look at those toes. Why don’t I have it all together? What is wrong with me? I have just compared myself to my friends because of my toenails. I told myself that they are better than I am and there must be something wrong with me. Have you ever done this? It is an easy trap to fall into, comparing yourself to someone and feeling like you don’t measure up. We see this happening all throughout scripture. Cain and Abel. Esau and Jacob. Leah and Rachel. These two sisters shared a husband. As we read their story in Genesis 29:16-24, we see that:
The stage has been set to have these two sisters compare themselves to each other as they vie for Jacob’s affection. And Rachel and Leah certainly took it to a new level.
Matthew Henry, in his commentary on this scriptures says, “Rachel cannot live peaceably with Jacob. Rachel frets. She envied her sister. Envy is grieving at the good of another. She considered not that it was God that made the difference, and that though, in this single instance her sister was preferred before her, yet in other things she had the advantage.” Rachel focused on how her sister was being favored by God and Jacob because she was barring his sons. She demands that Jacob give her children. Not just one, but many. Matthew Henry also says, “She did not apply to God by prayer, but to Jacob only, forgetting that children are a heritage of the Lord, Psalm 127:3 . We wrong both God and ourselves when our eye is more to men, the instruments of our crosses and comforts, than to God the author.” “When my eyes are more to men then to God.” Wow. I did that. I had my eyes on (wo)men and their toes instead of on my God. It is so easy for us to lose our focus on God. The world tries to pull me away all the time. It wants me to compare myself to others and think I don’t measure up. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts,God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand - when I awake, I am still with you. Psalms 139:13 - 18 (NIV) God formed me. God knows my days. I am precious to God. Not because of the polish on my toenails, but because of who He made me to be. Because of who He wants me to be. Because He is always with me. The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV) God delights in me. He rejoices over me with singing. Unpainted toenails and all. My God is good and gracious. He wants me and you to know that He made us just the way He wanted us and He doesn’t make junk. We need to stop comparing ourselves to the ladies around us and start looking up to the God who created us. For when we focus on God and His plan, we can join our sisters in fellowship, prayer time, and worship. We will bask in all the joy and blessings God has in store for us.  |